Tag Archives: Daft Punk

The Bathing Suit Blues: A Word On Weight-Loss

(TRIGGER WARNING: There’s a lot of FAT talk in this entry. If you are not comfortable reading about bad self-esteem and weight-loss, please don’t read any further.)

(STOP: By reading below this disclaimer, you are allowing yourself to read a stream of conscious and potentially nonsensical rant. You were warned.)

I’m sure some of you have noticed that I don’t spend a lot of time talking about my weight-loss journey on this blog. This is unusual for a healthy living blogger- typically, if one is aiming to lose weight and they blog, progress photos and pound for pound weight-loss entries are the norm. I respect those who choose this method of chronicling. I admire it. But that’s not the point of my journey.

Yes, I’m on Weight Watchers. I must admit, I am a true convert to the Weight Watchers philosophies- I have definitely consumed my fair share of the Weight Watchers kool-aid. Since starting up again, I’ve steadily lost weight every week. In fact, this week I lost nearly 3 pounds.

I don’t want my weight to start dictating my progress. In the words of the great French philosophers Daft Punk, I want to be Harder, Better, Faster, and Stronger. Being Harder, Better, Faster, and Stronger does not always mean being thinner. Yes, I want to lose weight so I can move faster. So I can run better. So I will be stronger than I’ve ever thought I could be.

But I like my body. I think I’m hot. I think (nay, KNOW) other people think I’m hot. Yes, I have days where I can’t reach this conclusion (just like any other person in the world). But I’m afraid of the media. I’m afraid of models. I’m afraid of what they do to the minds of everyday people who look beautiful just the way are.

Why am I thinking about this now? Well, it’s finally spring break and I’m absolutely thrilled to be away from school for a few days. I have the opportunity to head to the beach for a short vacation, and I’m now contemplating the idea of wearing my bathing suit.

I don’t have a problem wearing a bathing suit. I’ll wear it all day long. The trouble is, I haven’t purchased a new bathing suit in over five years. This may seem especially odd for a girl who loves shopping and practically lives in Forever 21. My old bathing suits are too large- I grew out of them quite some time ago. They are stretched out, and in desperate need of a trade-in. So why haven’t I bought a new suit?

Because of this:

black polka dot monokini

This may just look like a scant piece of nylon to you, but this swimsuit has become my kryptonite.

You see, when I began my first Weight Watchers journey, I told myself I would be wearing a swimsuit similar to this one once I was within 20 pounds of my goal weight. I had extraordinary willpower. I could do it. I made the swimsuit photo my desktop background, I pasted it on my door, and I prepared my body for the time when it would be “ready” to wear this suit. And in the mean time, I refused to buy a new swimsuit. Why buy a bathing suit I’d be too small to wear by the end of my journey? This was my dream suit. And I was going to wear my dream bathing suit.

Since that initial proclamation (a little over two years ago), my vision of the world has shifted. My understanding of the concept of Fat has morphed dramatically from where it was at the beginning of 2009. I’ve shifted my goals to non-scale victories only, achievable through physical perseverance and mental training. However, somehow my vision of myself and the bathing suit has not changed at all. For all my self-confidence, I still feel too Fat to wear this bathing suit. To be honest, I don’t know what amount of shame is more mortifying- my shame over actually feeling too Fat, or the shame I imagine I will feel upon donning this suit before reaching my goal?

Recently, this conundrum was put in even sharper focus. I have been lucky enough to begin a friendship with someone whose weight-loss journey is unbelievably inspirational to me. This person has battled the odds of losing weight while in college- she has achieved an astounding weight-loss (through weight watchers) in a fairly short period of time. Her current weight is significantly less than my goal weight, and I think she looks wonderful (for the record, she looked fly as hell BEFORE she lost weight, but that’ s neither here nor there Smile). Basically, this person is my personal weight-loss hero.

However, she is still ten pounds heavier than her goal weight. And, in her mind, those ten pounds make all the difference. Recently, we discussed how those ten pounds have kept her from purchasing a bikini. Yes, she’s always wanted to wear one. But she’s felt that a bikini was out of her reach until she reaches her goal weight. Do you know what I did when she told me about her internal struggle?

I judged her.

I judged her because she didn’t have the ‘wear anything, do anything’ resolve I’ve acquired. I rolled my eyes at her body issues.

I am such a hypocrite. Here I am, rolling my eyes at her body issues because of my own fat positivity, and I can’t bring myself to buy a new ONE PIECE BATHING SUIT.

I’d love to say that I had an epiphany at that moment. I’d love to say that I immediately went out in search of a polka dot monokini to wear at my first swimming opportunity.

I didn’t. Even at this moment as I live, breathe, and type, I can not convince myself to wear this swimsuit. It’s not all about weight- part of me just wants to complete my goal and reward myself properly. But there’s a substantial part of me that’s embarrassed to wear this bathing suit at my current weight.

To be honest, I’m actually overcome by my self-disappointment. I don’t have a resolution to this problem, but I think it helps to actually admit that I’m not as bulletproof as I may appear. In spite of my best efforts, I must show solidarity with every person who fears a certain clothing item- whether its jeans, bras, or any other dreaded piece of cloth.

For every fat girl who rocks a bikini regardless of society norms, I applaud you. YOU are my superhero. But as much as I want to be, I’m not there yet.

And as much as I hate to admit it, even confident, fat-positive girls get the bathing suit blues.

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Filed under body issues, fat, Uncategorized, Weight Watchers

Dancing Machine: My Favorite Exercise Music

In general, I’m pretty much incapable of doing any activity without the proper soundtrack as an accompaniment. If ever you see me shopping in the grocery store, standing in line at the bank, or just strolling down the street, I’m knee deep in my own music video fantasy.

The success of my exercise routine is highly dependent upon the perfect music mix. I have a painfully short attention span, which makes reading books/magazines while exercising almost impossible. Sometimes, if I get stuck on a bad song while I’m exercising, I can feel a noticeable lag in my productivity. But with the perfect music, I become a MACHINE.

I rarely listen to entire albums, and some of my favorite work-out songs are not songs which I would listen to under any other circumstance (i.e. around other people). In fact, I’ve been embarrassed more than once by realizing that the song I’m jamming out to is blaring so loudly that the person on the spin bike next to me is mouthing the lyrics to a fairly embarrassing song.

Likewise, there’s a lot of music I love that drags me down when I’m working out.

Here are some of my favorite songs for working out.  What Are Your Favorite Exercise Songs?

[There are a few artists (Daft Punk, Michael Jackson, Peaches, Prince, etc.) which compose a huge portion of my mixes. The list below only includes a few “essentials”.]

Amanda Blank– Big Heavy

Bel Biv Devoe– Poison

Britney Spears– Womanizer

The Contours– Do You Love Me?

The Cool Kids featuring Lil Wayne– Gettin’ It

Crystal Castles– Untrust Us

Daft Punk– Around The World

Destiny’s Child– Nasty Girl

The Donnas– Too Bad About Your Girl

Drake– Best I Ever Had

The Dresden Dolls– Mandy Goes To Med School

Feist– Gatekeeper (Do Right Remix)

The Fiery Furnaces– Single Again

Girl Talk-One of the few artists whose entire albums can be the soundtrack of my workouts; I especially love Night Ripper and Feed The Animals

Gnarls Barkley– Smiley Faces

Gogol Bordello– Mala Vida

Gossip– Where The Girls Are

Jackson Five– Dancing Machine

Jamiroquai– Canned Heat

Jump, Little Children– My Guitar

Kanye West– Stronger

Lady Gaga– Bad Romance

Lady Gaga– Paparazzi

Le Tigre– Nanny Nanny Boo Boo

M.I.A.– Teqkilla

M.I.A.– Bamboo Banga

Madonna– Deeper and Deeper

Marvin Gaye– Got To Give It Up (Part 1)

Michael Jackson– Bad

Michael Jackson– Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’

Miss TK and The Revenge– No Biterz (DMNDAYS Remix)

N.E.R.D.– She Wants To Move

Outkast– Bombs Over Baghdad

Otis Redding– Love Man

Pat Benetar– Heartbreaker

Peaches– Mommy Complex

Peaches– Tombstone, Baby

Prince– Baby, I’m A Star

Prince– Computer Blue

The Prodigy– Smack My Bitch Up

Queen– Bicycle Race

The Red Hot Chili Peppers– Higher Ground

Rihanna– Rude Boy

The Roots– Web

Spank Rock– Loose

Sleater-Kinney– Dig Me Out

Sleater-Kinney– Entertain

Tobacco– Backwoods Altar

Unk– Walk it Out (Remix)

Yeah Yeah Yeahs– Date With The Night

 

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Filed under exercise, music

Scales, Scales, Scales: A Buyer’s Guide

It took me longer than usual to start this entry for two reasons:

1)      I’m listening to Daft Punk’s Alive 2007 (“Around The World/Harder Better Faster Stronger”, to be more specific), and the beats distracted my flow of thought.*

2)      North Carolina’s Piedmont Triad has been attacked by a snow/ice extravaganza! Being a Southern girl, I’m completely entranced by snow, even though it’s really just very cold rain. However, I actually dreaded this particular storm- the arrival of our third (!!!) notable snow of the season will inevitably delay the release of UNCSA refund checks, and I’m already skating on thin financial ice. Oh, well. At least school was cancelled.

After a lot of research (which also translates to ‘a lot of homework time wasted’), I’ve finally decided which two items I’m going to purchase in order to make my new goals a reality. Obviously, it’s completely unnecessary to go shopping before you start a new plan. However, I’ve been thinking about making these purchases for a really long time, and I think I’ve finally found the right products.

1)      Eat Smart Precision Pro Digital Kitchen Scale

The Eat Smart Precision will not be my first kitchen scale- in fact, the reason I know so much about the function (or rather, malfunction) of kitchen scales has quite a bit to do with this little beauty:

Word to the wise? Don’t buy key kitchen gadgets at Ikea**. Cheap is awesome sometimes- cheap is not awesome when it comes to measurement accuracy. Not to mention that spring scales are (in general) less accurate than digital models. I’ve read dozens of reviews, and the Eat Smart appears to be the best combination of price, accuracy, and efficiency. Also, quite ironically, after I decided to purchase the Eat Smart, I found out that Danica of Danicasdaily uses the exact same scale! She did an awesome product review almost one year ago, and her review definitely helped push me over the edge.

2)      Weight Watchers Memory Glass Electronic Scale

Ok, it’s time for a confession: scales are one of my biggest fears. They rank in my top five, hovering somewhere between heights and massive snakes.  And, not to be presumptuous, but I don’t think I’m alone in this fear. Women (and men) are trained from a young age to put an unnatural amount of stock in the numbers produced by scales. To make matters worse, a person’s weight can vary by several pounds depending on which scale you step on. Needless to say, I’ve had seemingly never-ending hours of anxiety surrounding my personal scale activity. For years, I absolutely refused to purchase a scale- during my previous Weight Watchers stints, I’ve insisted upon only weighing myself at meetings. That being said, I still don’t think it’s a great idea to weigh oneself more than one time per week- weight can fluctuate dramatically during any given week, and I don’t want to subject myself to more emotional trauma than absolutely necessary.

You’re probably wondering why I would purchase a scale if I have so many ridiculous psychological issues with them. Well, for one thing, since I’ll be doing Weight Watchers Online, I need to keep track of my weight loss numbers. Second, all of the psychological issues I’ve listed have made me realize that I’m turning into a TWENTY-THREE YEAR OLD PSYCHOPATH. A person should not be afraid of their own weight- that’s absolutely ridiculous. I need to come to terms with my numerical body weight, and I think purchasing a scale will help expedite this process.

I’ve chosen the Weight Watchers Memory Scale because I want a scale with good memory functions- this model stores the start, last, current, and goal weights for up to four users. It has received great points for weight accuracy, and has an interesting leveling system to make sure you achieve proper balance before taking a weight measurement. However, it costs a little more money than I would typically spend on this sort of item- however, I need to stop being such a cheap ass and start buying higher quality items, instead of cheap items which will break shortly after purchase.

Is My Fear Totally Irrational? What are your Fears Associated with Body Weight?


*Daft Punk’s “Alive 2007” ranks really high on my list of Music For Working Out. Get Familiar.

**I still absolutely love Ikea, even though I found the Ikea Kitchen Scale to be lackluster.

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Filed under buyer's guide, food, goals, shopping, Weight Watchers