The Burger Debacle of 2011, The Trouble With Food Blogging, and Why Lauren Zizes is An American SuperHero

There’s a terror attacking healthy eaters across the globe. It is popping up in our neighborhoods, and elbowing its way into our lunchboxes.

That terror is Five Guys Burgers and Fries.

five guys logo

(Cue Nightmare On Elm Street Theme)

Don’t get me wrong- Five Guys is a great example of the perfect American cheeseburger. They have a very limited menu (burgers, fries, and hotdogs) because they want to focus on making those three things taste awesome (as opposed to making a bunch of things taste mediocre- I mean, how many burger places are making milkshakes that desecrate the name of ‘Milkshakery’?).

Also, when you order a Five Guys burger or hot dog, they have a wide variety of toppings which can all be added for no additional charge (I’m sure you can tell by now that I am a big fan of getting extra toppings fo’ free)   

And (as an added bonus) they receive all of their french fry potatoes daily and list the farms they buy from in the restaurant.

So what’s the problem? Well, having close relationships with potato farmers does not make cheeseburgers healthy. I learned this the hard way- on Sunday, Five Guys elbowed its way into my proverbial lunchbox.

(For the record, I think my resolve to avoid cheeseburgers was weakened by peer pressure and the fact that I was dressed in my exercise attire- somehow this made my decisions excusable. Alright, alright: contain your snickering.)

Anyway, I stared at the menu for quite some time until I made what I deemed to be the healthiest choice.

five guys menu

I ordered a little hamburger with lettuce, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, and mustard. No cheese, no bacon…none of my dangerous typical toppings.

292011 005

It was delicious. Don’t get me wrong. I loved every bite of it. But do you know how many wwpoints+ this little bundle of cow product cost me?

13

Now don’t get me wrong- 13 points is not such a big deal for an entire meal. And the burger did satisfy my appetite, so it counted as a whole meal. But WHAT THE HELL. 13 points for ONE BURGER? Without cheese or crispy bacon?

I wanted to punch myself in the face for that decision. But I didn’t. I wiped my mouth, threw my trash in the bin, and went on about my day. Which included a stint at the gym and one of my most successful runs thus far. So am I going to spend any more time thinking about my emotional failure at Five Guys Burgers and Fries? Nah, thanks anyway.

292011 003

I forgot to mention that Five Guys offers customers free peanuts. I hate peanuts, therefore I didn’t partake. But my companion enjoyed a few.

The burger debacle of 2011 actually segues very neatly into a topic which I’ve seen popping up a lot in the healthy living blogosphere this week. Oh, and by the way:

DISCLAIMER: If you are bothered by Food and Body related trigger words, PLEASE DO continue reading.

This entry is sparked by two entries written by the Skinny Runner and Tina of Carrots n’ Cake respectively (check out the links if you want some insight into this potentially nonsensical rant). I’m really thankful that these two people spoke their mind about the inherent confusion of living a real life combined with being an active member of a blogging community. Their words reminded me of something I forget:

We are judged by the food we eat. This is why I know so few girls who actually EAT when they go on dates- because eating, a normal and NECESSARY human function, is associated with gluttony and disgust. In fact, the average person has a hard time discerning the difference between eating a large dinner and OH MY GOD YOU’RE SO FAT WHY ARE YOU EATING THAT LARGE DINNER.

Food judgments affect everyone. But it is for this reason that my personal food blogging has become of paramount importance, and is a damn near political act.

Fat people are taught to be embarrassed by what they eat. By normal standards, I should be hiding my eating habits away until they more closely resemble those of Kate Moss circa 1995. But I’m Fat, and I like to eat. I like cooking. I will continue to post about the food I make and eat because it is important for people to understand that my Fatness doesn’t mean I should be ashamed of my eating habits.

That being said, I’ve found another excellent segue opportunity- oh, and by the way:

DISCLAIMER: If you don’t watch the television show Glee or think it’s stupid, you should definitely keep reading.

Oh, and also: MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR SPOILER ALERT.

Ok, I’ve been watching Glee since it first aired all those years months ago and I’ve watched it bloom from under the radar cult ratings bomb to a media force of nature. However, I have to be honest: if the musical numbers weren’t so damn catchy and Chris Colfer decided to get another job, I probably wouldn’t bother watching the show.

For the most part, Glee’s storylines are kind of flat, the characters are fairly one-dimensional, and if I hear them do another Journey song cover I might die from boredom.

That is, until this little stunner strutted across the stage:

lauren zizes

Lauren Zizes: she sings, dances, Grecco-Roman wrestles, and has a love affair with sweet potato fries and anything dipped in chocolate. She is, in essence, a Fat Girl superhero.

Admittedly, when Zizes (played by Ashley Fink who had a role on another FAT-nominal show called Huge) was given a larger role on the show, I was excited but also disappointed. Why does the Fat girl have to be both sassy and food-crazed? Thanks for playing into the stereotype, Ryan Murphy.

However, now that it appears Lauren Zizes has been promoted to series regular, I can see that her character development is nothing short of revolutionary. Of course the Fat Girl is both sassy and loves to eat- do you know why? Because she’s a BAMF, that’s why.

Of course, I love Amber Riley, and I love Mercedes Jones. But the sassy Fat Girl is not always Black and a musical diva- sometimes she likes to eat and do one-armed push-ups. And maybe she also likes to beat up on skinny girls.

And now that Noah Puckerman has become obsessed with the Power of Zizes, we finally have a true television depiction of Fat Love- yes, it’s true. ALERT THE MEDIAThin guys love Fat Girls. Who can blame them? We’re fierce. And we don’t turn down dinner.

What do you think about Glee’s newest High School Superhero? Also, what’s your greatest guilty food indulgence? (Mine is a giant bowl of baked macaroni and cheese- don’t hate the playa, hate the game.)

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1 Comment

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One response to “The Burger Debacle of 2011, The Trouble With Food Blogging, and Why Lauren Zizes is An American SuperHero

  1. Luca

    I saw Glee for the first time last night (never appealed to me), and I was so pleasantly surprised by Zizes I might actually start watching it.

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